God seems to have me on a fast track to learning about myself! As I sit here at 9:30 am on a Sunday morning, I'm thinking about the fact that I want to be heading to church right now. I want to be looking forward to worshiping with my church family. Instead I am sitting in bed surrounded by my furry family (and Dustin of course...) with an ice pack on my face.
You see yesterday I faced another fear, I had my wisdom teeth removed. All four! Now the fear I faced wasn't the obvious fear. I had the opportunity to meet with my dentist enough prior to the appointment that I was feeling good. He had a plan in place, I was going to be sedated and would remember none of what was going on. I was good with that. Pain and I are not very close friends and the farther away he stays the happier I am. So in the weeks leading up to my procedure I stocked up on Jello and instant mashed potatoes. I considered what I might need to do in the days following to the point that I moved the original appointment from August 17th to August 31st so that I had the entire Labor Day weekend to recover. I was set.
Fast forward to Saturday, August 31st.... I'm still in a pretty good place not too worried because I got out of bed just to come to the dentist office and sleep some more. So here I am all settled in at the dentist office. The first pill taken and starting to feel drowsy. I don't remember a whole lot until I started waking up for everyone to realize that the sedation had worn off and there were still two teeth left to get out. That's the moment I start to remember fairly well. Here I am the person that has panic attacks at the mere thought of a dentist and I'm in the middle of a procedure when my sedation wears off. Of course the obvious question is what do you do? Well, this brilliant girl makes the decision that we're in the middle of tooth three so let's just get them out. Now had that been my youngest brother, Nathan, making that call there would have been no surprise at the "Get 'R Done" response, but I'm not one to push ahead into pain. In fact I often wonder if adoption isn't the perfect way to grow a family since there are children all over the world that need loving families and I never can quite forget the part of Genesis 3:16 when God says to Eve, "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children..." So here I am the person quite convinced that adoption isn't a bad thing since natural childbirth includes a certain amount of pain, telling my dentist to push through and get the last two teeth out under a local. So, after a brief pause for prayer (no way was I moving forward under my own steam!) my awesome dentist removed the last two teeth. Needless to say I slept most of the rest of the day, but around 8 pm when I woke up feeling a little more like myself it was to an amazing discovery! My greatest weakness had become a strength. As Dustin and I discussed the fact that I had surprised us both by pushing through and getting it finished that day, it brought back the continuing theme God seems to be confronting me with lately. When I'm weak and realize it that's when God makes me strong. See, I know I'm the person that has panic attacks at the mere thought of a dentist. I can dissolve into tears at the mere thought of pain, but with God's help (and Dustin letting me squeeze his hands off) I made it through the thing that I've allowed to cripple me for so long! I no longer have to waste time worrying about the what if's in regards to dental appointments. I've had my appointment and I've survived what actually turned into a painful encounter, but one that allowed me to grow in my weakness by experiencing a portion of God's strength.
There is one thing that keeps coming to mind thanks to my friend and our church's pastor of discipleship, Kim, as the next step forward. God has taken this debilitating fear that I have and has helped me overcome it. Rather than spending the next six months fearing the moment I need to go back to the dentist, I have this space in my life now that the removal of that fear leaves, so I'm now left with the thought as my fears decrease and disappear as God continues to turn my weakness into strength what am I going to do with the time and energy that I spent on that fear? Looks like it's back to the drawing board for God and I to figure out how to fill those available moments!
Showing posts with label dentist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dentist. Show all posts
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
I'm Okay....(Not)
So my last lesson I shared was from my manicurist. Today.... It's from my new dentist.
See I have another confession to make. Dentist terrify me. I'm not talking in the normal sense that I dread it with a passion, but realize each year that it's never as bad as I remember. I'm talking all out panic attacks, fast breathing where's my paper bag reactions to the mere thought of a dentist office. That's what made today such a huge day for me.
Today I faced my fear of dentists and walked into a dentist office for the first time in 17 years. Yes, you read correctly. For 17 years, I have battled with panic attacks at the thought of a dentist office, but today I walked through the door of one by myself and did NOT end up being treated for a panic attack. So, yes, that is an accomplishment, but it's not the biggest accomplishment of my day. The biggest moment of my day was when I admitted first to the dental assistant and then to the dentist that I wasn't okay. I was nervous, I have panic attacks at the thought of entering a dentist office let alone sitting in the chair with someones fingers and metal instruments in my mouth, but there I was allowing myself to be vulnerable and letting these people do just that. There is something that makes you feel not so alone when you are looked at and someone just says, that's alright. You're here now and let's try to make this as easy on you as possible. There is something freeing when they tell you that you are not alone in that fear.
I realized in that moment when this doctor who I had just met told me that it was okay to have those feelings and he would work to help me get past them that what I was hearing was it's okay to not be okay. I feel like I've spent most of my life trying to act like everything is okay when in reality, it isn't all the time. When I try to keep muscling through life acting like I'm okay when I'm not I keep others from ministering to me in their unique ways that God has gifted them. If I had tried to muscle through my dentist appointment hiding my fear from the dental staff I would have left the office terrified that I needed to have my wisdom teeth removed. Instead by sharing my fears, these professionals that deal with this on a regular basis where able to better prepare me for what would come while keeping in mind what I feared. The same thing is true though for every other area of my life. If I try to muscle through life acting like I don't experience pain, fear or insecurity at times I keep others from sharing the part of their experience that will help me the most, I lose the opportunity for others to pray for me over the things I'm struggling with. If I try to act like everything is okay when it's really not, I'm lying to myself and others. It can be a freeing thought when you start to realize that it's okay to not be okay. Honestly, I don't think God means for us to be okay all of the time. If we could then why would we need Him or others? When we can admit that we are not okay, well, that's when God can go to work. He can show us exactly why he puts some of those quirky friends in our lives as he uses them in unique ways to minister to the fact that we aren't always okay.
See I have another confession to make. Dentist terrify me. I'm not talking in the normal sense that I dread it with a passion, but realize each year that it's never as bad as I remember. I'm talking all out panic attacks, fast breathing where's my paper bag reactions to the mere thought of a dentist office. That's what made today such a huge day for me.
Today I faced my fear of dentists and walked into a dentist office for the first time in 17 years. Yes, you read correctly. For 17 years, I have battled with panic attacks at the thought of a dentist office, but today I walked through the door of one by myself and did NOT end up being treated for a panic attack. So, yes, that is an accomplishment, but it's not the biggest accomplishment of my day. The biggest moment of my day was when I admitted first to the dental assistant and then to the dentist that I wasn't okay. I was nervous, I have panic attacks at the thought of entering a dentist office let alone sitting in the chair with someones fingers and metal instruments in my mouth, but there I was allowing myself to be vulnerable and letting these people do just that. There is something that makes you feel not so alone when you are looked at and someone just says, that's alright. You're here now and let's try to make this as easy on you as possible. There is something freeing when they tell you that you are not alone in that fear.
I realized in that moment when this doctor who I had just met told me that it was okay to have those feelings and he would work to help me get past them that what I was hearing was it's okay to not be okay. I feel like I've spent most of my life trying to act like everything is okay when in reality, it isn't all the time. When I try to keep muscling through life acting like I'm okay when I'm not I keep others from ministering to me in their unique ways that God has gifted them. If I had tried to muscle through my dentist appointment hiding my fear from the dental staff I would have left the office terrified that I needed to have my wisdom teeth removed. Instead by sharing my fears, these professionals that deal with this on a regular basis where able to better prepare me for what would come while keeping in mind what I feared. The same thing is true though for every other area of my life. If I try to muscle through life acting like I don't experience pain, fear or insecurity at times I keep others from sharing the part of their experience that will help me the most, I lose the opportunity for others to pray for me over the things I'm struggling with. If I try to act like everything is okay when it's really not, I'm lying to myself and others. It can be a freeing thought when you start to realize that it's okay to not be okay. Honestly, I don't think God means for us to be okay all of the time. If we could then why would we need Him or others? When we can admit that we are not okay, well, that's when God can go to work. He can show us exactly why he puts some of those quirky friends in our lives as he uses them in unique ways to minister to the fact that we aren't always okay.
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