It's the Not So Little Things...

I find myself very thankful tonight.  I sometimes wonder exactly what it was that made God decide to send Dustin.  This week has been one of those weeks that I kind of feel like he ended up carrying me through the last part of it.  I'm not completely for sure why this week feels so emotional, but it does.  Sometimes I feel like I'm at some sort of turning point in my life and that always makes me just a bit nervous when events start to line up and I don't get the entire picture, but the thing I find now is that no matter how uncertain I might be about how something is going to work out Dustin makes a great cheerleader.  I never really thought I'd come home to a clean house after a bad day at work even after I was married let alone before, but today that was exactly what happened!  I came home to be greeted by three happy little puppies and a clean kitchen, living room and dining room.  Now those were all things that in my mind I had decided that I would push to the back burner when Dustin mentioned going out.  In my list of things to do tonight I walk through the door to find the things I was dreading were done.  Now I will give Dustin a hard time on occasion about the fact that his "filing" habits for my things aren't quite the same as mine and there are times when I'm hard pressed to find where he put something, but the reality.... I don't really care.  It's such a minor inconvenience in the big picture of I the love I feel when I walk into the house and realize that he knew...  without stepping foot in my apartment in 3 days he knew that with the week I'd had experienced I was not keeping up on the housekeeping piece and he stepped in and surprised me by taking care of it.  The moments like that I find myself kind of thinking I've spent so many years focusing on that magic moment called a wedding and now that I'm suppose to be excited about it, I'm much more excited that Dustin knows and loves me so much he gets me without my having to tell him the extra things that are stressing me out.  That stepping in and doing those things that hang over my head at times means more than flowers or chocolates.  Of course don't get me wrong the flowers came Wednesday and I was quite thrilled by those as well!!   

And we return to our regularly scheduled broadcast....

So the wedding preparations are underway once more.  There is something about me that kind of hates it.  I was enjoying the break!  I find that once again I'm ready for this to be over!!!!  Ok, so I'm in a better place, but I have decided that at 32 planning a wedding I'm not anything like I would have been in my 20's.  In fact I'm pretty sure I don't make a very good bride in a lot of ways.  I'm discovering I'm definitely not traditional!  I am glad in a lot of ways we did go the route of wedding planning as there have been so many growing experiences along the way.  In fact we find ourselves wading through so many issues now as we plan the wedding together that otherwise we would have been addressing the first year of marriage and very likely been ready to kill each other over...lol.  Most recently has been the infamous money topic.  Dustin has a very practical approach to money while I admit it is definitely a more emotional topic for me to deal with.  We're quickly learning that I deal with money in pieces.  I can handle talking about it for chunks of time and then I need a break.  Not that I have hugely unhealthy spending habits at this point, but I need the breaks to regroup rather than discussing through to the end.  The nice thing is that we're developing habits that will make our transition into shared finances much easier after the wedding.  In fact the awesome thing about paying for and planning your wedding together is that we have a trial run to figure out the things we need to watch for and work on.  So it strikes me as rather humorous the other day when it occurs to me that most girls see their wedding as that fairy tale moment when their world is perfect and everything exactly as they want it.  Yeah, well, my world might be perfect if you are a bride who is a number obsessed accounting major, but that I'm not.  My world ends up being perfect because at 32 I've figured out that fairy tales in their truest form are rough.  They aren't the happy animal singing version we've been sold by Disney.  They are dark and filled with human emotion.  Ok, so my wedding isn't this depressing moment in time, but the truth.... Sometimes that planning piece is really tough.  There are times when since we're paying for things rather than waiting on my fairy godmother to make a moment perfect, I wonder if things are really going to work out.   I admit that for all the times I think to myself it's a matter of trusting God that there are moments I find that my prayer ends up being "I believe, LORD.  Help my unbelief."  There's this part of me that even at this time though I find myself with the thought that we're going to have an awesome story to tell our kids one day though about how God gave us an awesome wedding and prepared us for marriage at the same time.  Of course at the same time I really am ready to get this wedding over and get on with the future ahead of us, because as God's giving us little glimpses of it....  It looks incredible!!!