I'm Okay....(Not)

So my last lesson I shared was from my manicurist.  Today.... It's from my new dentist.

See I have another confession to make.  Dentist terrify me.  I'm not talking in the normal sense that I dread it with a passion, but realize each year that it's never as bad as I remember.  I'm talking all out panic attacks,  fast breathing where's my paper bag reactions to the mere thought of a dentist office.  That's what made today such a huge day for me.

Today I faced my fear of dentists and walked into a dentist office for the first time in 17 years.  Yes, you read correctly.  For 17 years, I have battled with panic attacks at the thought of a dentist office, but today I walked through the door of one by myself and did NOT end up being treated for a panic attack.  So, yes, that is an accomplishment, but it's not the biggest accomplishment of my day.  The biggest moment of my day was when I admitted first to the dental assistant and then to the dentist that I wasn't okay.  I was nervous, I have panic attacks at the thought of entering a dentist office let alone sitting in the chair with someones fingers and metal instruments in my mouth, but there I was allowing myself to be vulnerable and letting these people do just that.  There is something that makes you feel not so alone when you are looked at and someone just says, that's alright.  You're here now and let's try to make this as easy on you as possible.  There is something freeing when they tell you that you are not alone in that fear.

I realized in that moment when this doctor who I had just met told me that it was okay to have those feelings and he would work to help me get past them that what I was hearing was it's okay to not be okay.  I feel like I've spent most of my life trying to act like everything is okay when in reality, it isn't all the time.  When I try to keep muscling through life acting like I'm okay when I'm not I keep others from ministering to me in their unique ways that God has gifted them.  If I had tried to muscle through my dentist appointment hiding my fear from the dental staff I would have left the office terrified that I needed to have my wisdom teeth removed.  Instead by sharing my fears, these professionals that deal with this on a regular basis where able to  better prepare me for what would come while keeping in mind what I feared.  The same thing is true though for every other area of my life.  If I try to muscle through life acting like I don't experience pain, fear or insecurity at times I keep others from sharing the part of their experience that will help me the most, I lose the opportunity for others to pray for me over the things I'm struggling with.  If I try to act like everything is okay when it's really not, I'm lying to myself and others.  It can be a freeing thought when you start to realize that it's okay to not be okay.  Honestly, I don't think God means for us to be okay all of the time.  If we could then why would we need Him or others?  When we can admit that we are not okay, well, that's when God can go to work.  He can show us exactly why he puts some of those quirky friends in our lives as he uses them in unique ways to minister to the fact that we aren't always okay.