I Can't Read the End of This Book....

It's very interesting when you find yourself at the moment you've waited what seems your entire life for to suddenly find you're in limbo...  That certain things are dependant on another's opinion or input in a way that you really haven't experienced.  I've decided there's definitely a difference between dating and being engaged.  I mean with dating there is a certain intertwining of plans, but engagement (at least for me) translates into those plans taking into consideration in a quite different way someone else's comfort level, likes, dislikes and desires into account.  Now not to say I was a self centered girlfriend (at least Dustin never complained of that and he did give me a ring...lol), but this kind of sharing takes that to another level.  In Sacred Marriage, the author Gary Thomas puts forth the idea that maybe marriage is to make us more holy than happy.  It's an idea that made a lot of sense to me when I first read it so in dating I tried to incorporate that concept into our relationship and felt that I managed to do pretty good, but somehow not even a week after the ring is on my finger I find myself challenged once again to remember that thought.  I often feel that God brought Dustin into my life to teach me in depth about patience.  I find we're different in some very interesting ways, one of those being he likes to think about things and sometimes it's not just for a few minutes or hours.  Sometimes it's days, even weeks.  Those longer sessions of contemplation are REALLY a struggle for me sometimes.  This is one of those times.  Waiting on that confirmation of yes this date works or the determination of lets talk about another time is really hard for the girl who often decides if a novel takes to long to begin to develop an interesting storyline or seems stuck in limbo the answer is to read the last chapter to see if the book is worth finishing.  I can't exactly flip to the chapter called Honeymoon or 50th Anniversary to see if this is worth waiting on.  I have to trust God that it is worth the wait.  That what comes in between that diamond being placed on my finger to the moment we say "I Do" is an awesome experience I don't want to miss.  I have to trust that when God tells me, "For I know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV) that he really means it.  That not only is marriage designed to make me holier, but that as the path to that next chapter so is the engagement period.  It's hard to remember sometimes when I get impatient and want those results and answers to come just a little quicker.  I mean I thought I had made headway on the patience bit during the dating part of our relationship, but I'm finding that maybe even in that God has a few more lessons ahead of me.  Of course I have decided that even if I'm waiting on some of those answers that it's ok to "prepare for rain" and do a little bit of planning while I'm waiting so I'm including a picture of my sanity kit as I've decided to call it.

"Tonya's Sanity Kit"