To Stress or Not To Stress....

I've come to the conclusion it's going to be an extremely long 6 months.  I'm a little over a month into an engagement and already I'm sick of wedding budgets, pricing items and lists.  This from the person that according to my co-worker lives by my lists.  I'm already tired of spending money on paper I've yet to make and the overwhelming magnitude of the numbers for what is considered a low budget wedding.  I'm totally convinced at this point a wedding planner is the way to go, but alas....  that's not in the budget.  It's funny to be at that place that I've dreamed of for so long only to find my priorities have changed to the point that I cringe at the thought of spending money on things that are only going to be around for one evening.  There's a part of me that thinks in the middle of all of it that the price of tablecloths would pay for a new sweeper.  Flowers, well, they're beautiful, they smell wonderful, but again why do I want to spend money on those things when for what they cost I could replace my living room lamps?  It's funny how as a teenager and even in my 20's I had my wedding planned out in detail.  My colors, my dress, the number of attendants, I had it all planned down to the songs I would have performed.  All things considered I suppose the ceremony is not a piece that causes me undue stress.  I'm pretty good with things where the church portion is concerned, it's the reception that truly makes me cringe in the planning.  It's funny how now that I'm spending money I've actually worked for how hard it is to part with for something that doesn't feel like mine yet.  Maybe I'm waiting for that magic moment for the inspiration to strike that says this makes it yours and no one elses....  Sometimes the overwhelming thing about "being in charge" is that you have to come up with the idea before you can hand off the project to your eager volunteers.  I think I'm kind of feeling a little like one of the brides on My Fair Wedding.  She was so overwhelmed with everything being thrown her way she tried to incorporate all of it into her wedding.  Now I'm not quite to that point, but I have come to one realization...  While the ceremony definitely feels like it represents Dustin and I the reception not so much so in the ideas sitting out there.  To borrow from my favorite wedding planner...  It feels like the ceremony is one couples wedding and the reception belongs to a completely different couple.  Not exactly what I had in mind...  So I believe I shall scratch my current thoughts on the reception and go back to the drawing board...