To Inconvenience or Not Inconvenience....

You know, I'm not sure that I make a very good bride...  I tend to think maybe I might have been better suited to a ceremony in our pastor's office with two witnesses.  Don't get me wrong, I truly want that special day and that experience, but I often feel that I'm inconveniencing people with any plans I make or dreams I have of what I'd like my wedding to be like.  I really struggle with believing that it's suppose to be a day that is about me in any way shape or form.  In fact I think I've come to realize why I want and in many ways need Dustin so involved in every aspect of this wedding that he's willing to step into.  If it were for just me I'd probably give up on the idea of a wedding settle on whatever would work with as little inconvenience to as few people as possible and try to not think about what I was missing and what I really wanted.  So you might be wondering exactly how that translates into Dustin being involved in wedding plans.  You see in a way just as important as that vision of all things princess that little Lauren, my flower girl inspires, Dustin makes me believe that it's important for me to experience that moment.  Wedding plans, budgets and wedding stress pretty much seem more than I'd be able to take on if Dustin were a hands off groom.  If left to myself I'd be one of those brides that you hear horror stories about.  I'd be cooking and cleaning in my wedding dress because I couldn't think to inconvenience anyone by asking for help.  In fact asking for help has been one of my biggest challenges in this whole wedding process.  Not because I'm a control freak, but because I struggle with the feeling that people have to have more important things to do than mess with helping me.  Now granted up to this point most of what we are doing has of necessity been done by only the two of us, but I've realized that many of my panic moments stem to that feeling that comes from the habit I've developed after being on my own for so long of "just doing it myself".  I truly believe that God gave me the perfect man in the form of Dustin.  Not that he's perfect without fault, but he's perfect for me in that he pushes and encourages in ways that help me grow or become stronger.   He helps me realize that people genuinely do want to help.  That they consider it an honor to be intimately involved in such a special moment in our lives.  I'm truly hoping that God leaves us together for 50 or 60 years since I'm pretty sure it will take that long for me to get this particular lesson that he's using Dustin to teach me...