I feel like I've started to see the silver lining after Friday's down moment. I hate it when I feel like I lose my weekend because I have to spend a part of it sorting through moments like Friday. Those moments that make me feel like I'm lost, not important and alone, they're frustrating. I suppose the thing I know that is being reinforced at times like that my problems and issues don't go away because I have a ring on my finger. In fact in some ways they become bigger as I'm sorting through not just how they affect me. I'm learning that how I respond to them and deal with them affects Dustin as well. The being engaged piece changes things in some ways in that it has me wondering at times if I can really handle the intricacies of the relationship. Do I really have what it takes to make this work? The reality is that no, I can't make this work. I can't become this perfect paragon of virtue we like to refer to as the Proverbs 31 woman who never seems to second guess her choices, never appears to become irritated with the man in her life or have a short temper with her children. The moments that make me despair of ever successfully navigating the world of male-female relationships are impossible for me to handle on my own. When I try to handle it on my own I end up stressing myself out. Now the ultra-spiritual minded person is likely reading this thinking, yes, she realizes it, finally! She needs God to get her through this. Well, that might be, but not exactly what I'm thinking. Sure I need God, but in reality he's already given me exactly what I need to handle the situation. He gave me Dustin.... I just have to learn how to use him in those moments. It's really easy for me to get irritated at the moments I'm stressed by all of the other things going on in my life and to try to take it out on the solution that God already has in place. Saturday was a learning moment for me when I realized as we talked out the things I was struggling with that Dustin had some very good insight and solutions to handling some of those things that were a problem. He was able to provide a listening ear to the ones that he could not "fix", but having him listen made a world of difference because it felt like I mattered. A song that's currently a favorite of mine is God Gave Me You. The words express exactly why I think God sent Dustin into my life.
Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you
Today more than ever I feel that is exactly what God did when he sent Dustin into my life. I've often said that seeing myself through Dustin's eyes changes how I see myself. I'm realizing it also changes how I see the circumstances I'm in. Again am I putting Dustin on some pedestal with the expectation that he'll never disappoint me? By no means! I fully expect to be frustrated by him multiple times over the next 50 or 60 years, but the truth.... I do believe that God gave me Dustin for those moments when I feel like I did Friday. Those up and down moments are going to come. They come with or without Dustin. But I can't help but think of Ecclesiastes 4:10 (NIV)... If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. but pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. God gave Dustin and I one another for that exact purpose. To strengthen one another's weaknesses and to build up one another's strengths. Seeing myself through Dustin's eyes makes me believe things I thought were hopeless or unrealistic dreams are possible. My silver lining to Friday.... It was the moments when I could finally voice my struggles that brought us just a little closer together. That made us understand some quirks about one another a little differently. That's my silver lining.... It's the realization that Dustin thinks I can do this so because he has that faith in me, I find myself believing I can....
Reading this and Friday's article, I cannot help but feel like you have written the thoughts of so many of us today. I went to church yesterday and the pastor was preaching on the works of the flesh in Galatians. It is interesting that so many sins tie back down to our thought life and letting things get out of control, wanting what you don't have and wishing harm towards those that do and trying to make everything happen on your own...cutting God out of the process and losing all peace and patience. I heard myself in the description because I have felt so alone and isolated and abused by work and relationships...no sympathy...no listening ear...just fighting and near break ups. I think you have been very insightful to see that God gave you your fiance to learn and grow together but what happens when he doesn't understand or want to listen and that aweful word "breakup" enters the air?
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, there were times especially early on in our relationship when Dustin didn't get it. He didn't get the things that were bothering me and even hurting me at times. One of the most important things I've had to learn that I still have to be reminded of occasionally is that I can't look to Dustin to fulfill me. At the risk of sounding cliche, that's something I have to let God do. If I try to make Dustin do it or if he tries to do it we both end up frustrated and upset. If I let God complete me then Dustin is the icing on the cake. The relationship with him takes my happiness to the next level. Our pastor used an awesome illustration a few months ago. He had a husband and wife stand at arms length touching fingers. He stood in the middle and put his arm between them to represent God. He then told them to move toward God. As they moved toward his arm a.k.a God they moved closer together until they were standing in one anothers arms. I loved the visual that it gave to what our romantic relationships are suppose to represent. If we are both moving toward God we continue to become closer. The reality... there are times when one of us struggles, but that is where the strengthening weakness comes in to play. The moments one of us struggles if the other is seeking God and not busy getting their feelings hurt we're taking the one that's struggling to God and asking how we can be used to help them in their struggle. When I fall into the trap of needing Dustin to validate me then I'm asking more out of him than he's able to give. If I'm looking to God for the validation then whatever Dustin gives me makes my cup overflow! We're girls we want our knights to have shining armor that hasn't seen the heat of battle, but the reality is that our guys bring their own set of battle scars into the relationship and when two wounded people don't learn to recognize those scars and wounds we just keep jabbing the areas that hurt on one another and the one on the receiving end just keeps reacting to the hurt. The best thing I've done is to really listen and learn what Dustin's wounds have been. It helps me know when something I've said could have come across wrong. If you want to see if a relationship can lead to marriage or at least be able to walk away knowing that you both honored one another I think the best way to do it is to treat one another like a work of art. An art conessieur doesn't just glance at an artist work in passing. He examines it and gets to know the minute details, the flaws, the imperfections that make it unique and original. If you plan on spending your life with someone those are there now and they don't go away after the I do's are said. Take the time to learn them now and you can use them to build a strong relationship for the future! I suppose the other thing might be don't live in fear of the word break-up. If you are living in fear of a word you can't be yourself because you are too worried that being yourself won't be good enough. Find yourself in God first. The reality is that for Dustin it really wasn't my looks that attracted him. I wasn't his type. His type was petite and blonde at the time. It truly was our journeys with God that gave us our common ground for love to grow. Hope that helped some...
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