A Battle Won...

Ugghhh.... Today was tough!  I'm not completely for sure why, but I suspect that the enemy was doing his best to wear me down.  I get to the end of the day feeling very exhausted, but happy that the sense of frustration and sadness that I started my day with is now gone.  I had a freak out moment...  It was an odd one, but one none the less.  I found myself feeling that this was impossible.  I'd never be able to afford all of the pieces that comprise a wedding in any less than a year and a half to two years...  It was another crying moment...    I moved very slowly most of the day from the weight that I felt from that thought.  I contemplated very briefly trying to talk my fiance into eloping (it was a very short lived idea...).  Yes, as you are probably thinking it I'll say it out loud... I admit it I have my drama queen moments.  Even as I have them I usually realize I'm over-reacting to something, but that something to me is very real... I do try really hard to keep them contained, but it's something God and I work on together on a regular basis.  I realized something today though...  My drama queen moments usually arise when an old wound is prodded.  Something that speaks to the insecurities I've struggled with in life.  Today it was the simple wording in a statement Dustin made.  Now the rational side of me realized that what he was saying was completely true, but something in the way the poor guy phrased it had me struggling not to go off on him.  The fact I was struggling so much with that bothered me until I realized what the root of the problem was.  As always when one of us figures out what it is that is setting the other one on edge we figured out our way through the tangle that was my emotions at the moment.  The awesome thing was that as we sorted through that piece of it, God was given the opportunity he needed to point me in the direction of yet another person he wanted to use.  A conversation with Sarah via Facebook was what I needed to reassure me that the rough budget I had in my head to work on wasn't completely crazy.  That it could work and God was sending me someone who had accomplished a nice wedding on a tight budget to encourage me with her pictures and stories of awesome deals.  It left me feeling very cared for by an awesome God to realize he actually had provided someone to help calm those worries.  Someone who had been down this path before me and was willing to share the lessons she had learned.  Putting the whole day into perspective it's no wonder I get to the end of today and I'm extremely tired...   With the help of a loving man I fought a battle with my insecurities and old healing wounds and won this round!  And came home to a love note from God in the form of a card from an aunt and uncle.  As if He knew that I needed the reminder today I came home to a card which contained my favorite verse...  For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD.  They are plans for good...to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11 (TLB).  I find in the change that is occurring in my life I need that reminder a LOT!!  And God made sure I had that reminder at just the time I needed it...